Roll With It – The Power of Adaptability
How long has it been since I’ve written a post here? Three weeks? Maybe 4? Oh well. Life happens. Man, does it. And so, because life (who can be such a bitch sometimes) has been happening, I’ve not been writing. At all. I’ve been tempted to throw this whole blog away. I’ve been angry and scared and confused and hurt and stupid. And lost. Oh so lost.
So everything has been put on hold. I haven’t been to rugby. I haven’t been to French lessons. I haven’t written. I haven’t done anything. Except sleep. I’ve slept. A lot. Pretty much anytime I’ve felt the slightest spark of something resembling inspiration, I’m immediately pummeled by waves of exhaustion. Relentless exhaustion. Like I just don’t want to exist anymore. It’s too hard. It’s too overwhelming. It’s too scary.
But the thing with not existing anymore is that would mean giving up. And that’s just not who I am. Once again, my colossal stubbornness has saved my ass.
It seems that no matter how well I plan or how hard I try, life is going to kick the crap out of me sometimes. Probably more often than I’d like. And typically, I use that as an excuse to quit moving forward and basically hit pause on everything but the essentials. Especially when I’m facing uncertainties. Like now. I’m facing a ton of uncertainties. In fact, there is very little going on for me that I’m absolutely certain of.
And for the last three or four weeks I’ve allowed that uncertainty to distract me from the amazingness I was previously headed towards. I’ve had the hamster wheel of ‘What if’s and ‘How can I’s and ‘Why me’s running non-stop in my brain, siphoning out every last drop of energy I might have put towards anything worthwhile.
Until enough was enough. I couldn’t take it anymore. I will not be beaten down by anyone or anything. I will not allow myself to lose my footing entirely and go tumbling down the mountain that I’ve been fighting to climb for so very long. Especially now that I’m closer to the top than I am to the bottom.
I’m not unique in this struggle. Everyone faces difficult times. Everyone faces uncertainty. Uncertainty is a fact of life.
It’s what we do with the uncertainty that sets us apart. There are those who drown in it. Who get so lost in it and are so afraid to take a step in any direction that they are overcome with it.
Then there are those who take it as it comes. Who look for opportunities in the devastation. Who strive to learn and grow from the experience and turn and face the future with hope and expectation. Who adapt to life and roll with it.
I think I know which category I fall under. And though I can’t say I jumped out of bed this morning with a skip in my step and checked 20 productive tasks off my list throughout the day, I can tell you that I had a workout today. And I ate some really clean, healthy food. And I cleaned up the house. And I talked to people. And I’m writing.
I’m still exhausted. I expect that will last a little while yet. But my hopes are rising. My expectation of better days is growing. I’m taking steps, knowing that if I keep at it, the inspiration will find me again.